200 word story: Lutecia

I love writing utopias, I just have problems stopping the human characters messing them up. Sacha Black’s challenge this week is to write a story about a utopia in less than 200 words. Mine usually run for a trilogy of novels, but this is a teaser for the sequel to Abomination. It’s set in a utopia, but obviously, it’s not going to stay utopic for long.

Painting ©:Alexander Samokhvalov


They stepped outside into the sunshine that fell through the vines of the pergola. Yvain and Jack were deep in argument about pigs, the others trooping behind. Carla and Tully stood in the doorway of the auberge, listening to the murmur of voices, the birds fluting among the leaves, the chink of glasses, and letting the sunlight fall on their faces. Carla was on the point of saying something about how idyllic Lutecia seemed, when the spell was broken. A couple of men shifted in their chairs, catching her eye. Even beneath the bright sunlight their skin looked grey and unhealthy, and the expression in their eyes was pure hatred.

She squeezed Tully’s hand and dragged him after the others into the lane.

“Did you see?”

“Those grey-faced characters?”

“What did we do?”

Tully shrugged. “Maybe they didn’t like Dad’s jokes.”

“Seriously. It’s followed us, hasn’t it? Whatever it was back at the mall that…”

Tully kissed her forehead. “Yvain will know what’s going on. I hope.”

Carla glanced over her shoulder. The grey men had gone. The familiar cold terror settled back into the pit of her stomach.

Published by

Jane Dougherty

I used to do lots of things I didn't much enjoy. Now I am officially a writer. It's what I always wanted to be.

21 thoughts on “200 word story: Lutecia”

  1. ooooooooh. I was tempted not to read, incase it contained a spoiler for the end of the first book. But so far as I can see, were all good! *phew* but, jeez, *shudders* you know how to do terrifying in a completely passive aggressive way don’t u?! :p phenomenal as always

      1. we could talk all day about dreams. I killed someone in my sleep the night before last. Was disgustingly vivid. Still affecting me two days on. Horror is a funny one. Sometimes its whats not said that is the most effective. And also, I find the less gore the better. For me, its all about psychological horror….hmmm…… might have to do a post on that. :p

      2. Suggestion, my dear, suggestion. Dead right (forgive pun) but gore is for kiddies. About dreams, I have dreams that look like the inside of an abattoir, but the really terrifying one is when the bedroom door opens behind me and I can’t move because i’m supposed to be asleep, but I know there’s something awful in the doorway and it’s coming into the bedroom…

        Date: Wed, 17 Feb 2016 21:06:29 +0000 To: jane.dougherty@dbmail.com

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