Something to reflect on this Monday morning.
I remember trying,
spending time in the mirror and inspecting my walk,
striding towards then away,
pulling in my stomach,
never admitting to lip hair removal.
Trying to learn eyeliner and to walk in new shoes.
I remember when it mattered
but I can’t remember the way it felt.
And now I’m full of avoiding eyes,
and silent screaming conversations in my head
with people who stare at me across tables
in meetings I don’t belong in,
and breakfast cereals that are healthy,
and dreams that end in tears.
I am made of spilled nail polish on satin,
and sweat stains,
and clothes that don’t fit right,
and lies that I can’t swallow,
to have the words ready when I need them,
and bad breath and never
getting the joke.
And I wish it was
and I wish it was
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