Lost stars

Photo ©Michael J. Bennett

1024px-Night_Sky_Stars_Trees_02

When I have pulled the stars down from the sky,

Will I still marvel at the glitter in my hand,

Desire netted like a silver fish?

 

Will you still want to share your nights with me

And watch the changing patterns of the light,

When I have pulled the stars down from the sky?

 

If you should walk away into the shade,

Wrapped in moonlight, following a dream,

Will I still marvel at the glitter in my hand?

 

Without you, gutters throw back muddy stars,

The night is bland, reflected neon glares,

Desire netted like a silver fish.

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Published by

Jane Dougherty

I used to do lots of things I didn't much enjoy. Now I am officially a writer. It's what I always wanted to be.

14 thoughts on “Lost stars”

  1. Soon you will tire of my abundant delight in your work until then I continue …
    the echoing of the three lines. YES! Without the echo they are beautiful but with the echo they are … I don’t have words but it reminds me of a chorus of women singing the first one starts, the second follows, they swell together. I am going to try something like this but you have made this your own beauty. I read your work at least twice usually three times, that’s how rich it is. Superb work jane you make reading my WP friends a joy every day.

    1. You should try this form. I like it a lot, there’s a sort of hidden magic in it. The first three lines fit together, but they expand to deliver a new meaning each time they are fitted into the stanza.

      1. Can you tell me exactly how to do it and then I may humbly try. I’d like to. I really loved this. I read it aloud to a friend and she remarked it was hauntingly exquisite. So high (real) (earned) praise for you my talented friend (and you are)

      2. Your comment has taken away some of the awful sense of foreboding I’ve had since I got up (just heard your election result)! It’s a form you might like because it has rules, but they’re not like sonnet rules, not so constraining.
        A cascade poem has 12 lines, 4 stanzas of 3 lines each. The number of syllables in a line is up to you, but you should keep all the lines the same length. Otherwise you don’t get a rhythm.
        Stanza 1 is three unrhymed lines.
        The first line is repeated as the last line of Stanza 2 (line 6) .
        The second line is repeated as the last line of stanza 3 (line 9)
        The third line is repeated as the last line of the poem (line 12)

        I find I often go back and tinker with the word order in the first stanza to make better sense in the subsequent verses.
        Now, your turn 🙂

    1. It’s called a cascade poem. I love the name of it. I think the lines can be of any length as long as they are all the same. It gives the poem a flow even though there’s no rhyme scheme.

  2. I’ve only recently learned of these poetry formats with the repeated lines. They seem so mysterious and impossible to write to me, and yet you make it work seamlessly. I especially like the imagery of desire netted like a silver fish; so evocative.

    1. It’s a form that you have to think carefully about, but it’s a lovely one to work with. The way the repeated lines change in meaning as they are fitted into each stanza opens up the poem.

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