Sangbad reminded me I hadn’t written a villanelle in a long time. Probably because they’re difficult. I’m chuffed no end to have actually written one, so here it is.
We wander at the ending of this day,
The stony path that overlooks the sea,
Where grey gulls dip and skim across the bay,
We stand so close, to watch the sunlight play.
Above the waves that beat against the scree,
We wander at the ending of this day.
When twilight drains all day’s bright hues away,
Tomorrows’ hopes fade, with the daylight flee,
Where grey gulls dip and skim across the bay.
We toss white pebbles as the pious pray,
You ask for signs, I send a final plea,
We wander at the ending of this day.
The pebbles sink; you say you cannot stay,
The far horizon calls you to be free,
Where grey gulls dip and skim across the bay.
Your fixed gaze says there is no other way,
Already you are gone, that I can see,
Sundered at the ending of this day,
Where grey gulls dip and skim across the bay.
Jane Dougherty Writes 
This is quite beautiful.
Thank you 🙂 It’s certainly hard work.
It looks it with the repetition and linking the lines to make them flow. Lovely.
Thanks Di 🙂 It’s finding rhymes that don’t sound naff that’s the hardest part 🙂
I know, or trying to find something a little different to the normal favourites. I’ve learnt more about poetry since blogging than I ever thought possible!
Same here!
I don’t understand poetry much but even I can see that this is beautiful. What is a Villanelle by the way?
Thank you! The most famous example is Dylan Thomas’s ‘Do not go gentle into that good night’
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Villanelle
It relies on repeating of lines and a strict rhyme pattern.
I know that one! 🙂
It’s a great poem. I only recently discovered it was a villanelle, like when I heard such a thing existed 🙂
So am taking the credit for this beautiful poem…thank you Jane…
You can have the credit for suggesting that I write a villanelle. I’m taking all the credit for the poem—it was hard work 🙂
Obviously all credit goes to you…am only keeping the inspiration part…by the way that was my 2nd villanelle…
I was joking 🙂 I think this is my second one too. They’re hard to write.
Wow…cheers to both of ours second attempt…had tried another format Katauti…find it in my Recent Post if you want to what it is…
Don’t know that one. I’ll read it.
Sorry it will be Katauta…and tried another Prose Poem…they are all in my Recent Post…
You steal my heart with your heroics, Villanelles are not easy. What I love about this piece is how you gradually move from beauty to darkness. It’s as if you have given us beauty for the purpose of helping us bear the darkness that will come. You know, the painting you use reminds me so much of the cliffs of Moher I visited recently. Well done, dear Lady.
Thank you, John. I’m pleased you like this. From a lovers’ stroll the final parting, all on a summer’s evening. And yes, the painting is like the cliffs of Moher, but I think these are French cliffs. Probably chalky and not nearly as dramatic 🙂
Well done, Jane. This seems like a difficult form. I like how you moved the lover’s story along, and how the tone of the refrain changed.
I don’t think I’ve ever written a villanelle. I might have to give it a try. 🙂
Thank you 🙂 I like the result, but writing a villanelle is like putting together a geometrical puzzle. If you do give it a try, I’d suggest you pick a couple of words with a lot of rhymes before you start.
Yes, that’s what I was thinking. And I think finding something that you like as a refrain. I probably won’t get to it for a while though.
Next time you have an afternoon free…
🙂
Reblogged this on Die Erste Eslarner Zeitung – Aus und über Eslarn, sowie die bayerisch-tschechische Region!.
Thank you 🙂
Interesting rhyme pattern, and nice effect!
Thanks Joy 🙂
Wonderful 🙂
I’m glad you like it, Wally 🙂
They might be difficult, but they are absolutely beautiful when they work – and I think this one does. I suppose it’s a difficult balance to get repeated rhymes which don’t sound too infantile…
or contrived. Rhymes that either aren’t proper rhymes or are just random words stuffed into place because they rhyme make a poem sound ridiculous. I’m pleased you think this one worked 🙂
The poem chimes. You inspired me to give the villanelle a try some time soon. Thank you.
I’m pleased about that 🙂 It’s a poem I’m rather proud of as I struggled with it all afternoon through an infernal din from an open air ‘concert’ of Afro-Cuban crap at the end of the street. I thought my brain would burst!
You’ve made it sound effortless. (K)
Thank you! That’s a great compliment 🙂