The dverse prompt today is a real challenge. I can write rhyming ballads like breathing, but I’ve never done a nasty one before. This ended up as sweetly sad as usual, but following Kim’s instructions, I changed the last lines and hopefully changed the tone too.
What would I give to have you with me,
To sit beneath the scented rose tree,
And watch together the rolling river,
As moonlight glitter bathes us in silver.
Years I would offer of this poor lifetime,
If you’d come back and promise to be mine,
But the rose is falling, fading its scent,
And you never told me where you went.
Your smile was so easy, your mouth ripe and red,
I thought that you loved me though you never said,
We dallied all spring till you went away,
One last kiss you gave me and bid me to stay.
One more day I’ll linger on this grassy bank,
For autumn is coming with mists damp and dank,
In my bones I feel I’ll not see the spring,
Weary of watching for what the tides bring.
Should you come back and I should be dead,
You’ll find I’m still waiting to pour on your head
The lees of the bitter cup you made me drink,
And beneath cold waves I’ll see that you sink.
I think the last two lines definitely changed the tone. 🙂
Not really dastardly and devilish, but it’s the best I could do 🙂
I liked the twist at the end. You do write devilish in stories. I’m thinking of some evil babies and real estate agents.
This is a fun prompt. Maybe I can get to it later in the week. 🙂
It’s easier somehow with stories. Getting evil into poetry, for me anyway, is difficult.
Well, there was definitely a hint of it in the poem. 🙂
Hint is as much as you’ll get 🙂
It looks like the guy’s going to get what he deserves or at least what she thinks he deserves. In either case it is pretty spooky.
Spooky will have to do instead of evil 🙂
You managed to bring it to a somber close. By the way, I love the James Wm Waterhouse painting!
Thanks Beverly 🙂 I used not to be much of a fan of the Pre-Raphs but some of their paintings are really luscious.
Oh, that’s some twist, Jane! I love the way you built it up. At first it reads like a love poem, and then I started to think that the speaker had done something terrible but you saved the best until last!
It was a standard love and loss type ballad until I remembered it was supposed to be wicked, not sad, and I had to rewrite the last two verses. Glad you can’t see the join 🙂
🙂
He won’t do that again. Leading him along was a great twist. When he comes back to you, drag him under.
I can see what kind of films you like watching 🙂
It reminds me of one about a man who drowned his girlfriend in a lake. It’s called, “What lies beneath”, with Harrison Ford as the cheating villain.
I know the title but I haven’t seen it. I like Harrison Ford. Can’t imagine him as a villain.
He acts innocent till the end. He tries to drown his wife also, but is grabbed by the ankle from below by his dead mistress, eek!
You might say he had it coming to him 🙂
For sure
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Thank you!
Chillingly delightful!
Just deserts 🙂
I agree! 😉
Lovely twist!
Thank you!
Vindictive vindication?
Something like that. I reckon he probably deserved it.
I love the evil twist in the ending lines…so evilish good Jane ~
Thank you, Grace. I see it more as justified revenge, but then I’m pretty evilish at heart 🙂
Holy cow. Those last lines are SO chilling. Oh, MY.
Thank you! I think she’d been pondering on those lines for quite a while.
Oh yes… we all know the hell hath no fury… but this was cold…
Ah g’wan, Bjorn! He deserved it!
The ending made me realise why he left so suddenly! Very sophisticated twist there, Jane.
I hadn’t thought of that. You know them both better than I do 🙂 Your imagination delves pretty deep, but now you mention it, you have a very good point.
Mission accomplished. Those last two lines turned the whole poem on its ear.
Thanks Bernadette 🙂 I wasn’t sure it was dramatically nasty enough.
Ah what temptation it is to punish those who hurt us . I’ve heard that true love always forgives — maybe , maybe not. Perhaps what makes this so difficult is the femininity of the writer.
I enjoyed this but was left thinking…but what if he never comes back?
Then there’ll be one very frustrated ghost 🙂
I enjoyed reading your ‘ballad’…he may never get his due 😉
He wouldn’t be the first 🙂 Thanks Kathy!