I would be water, flowing fast

Frank suggests we try a trimetre poem for the dverse prompt, so I’ve used his metre (alternating three and four beats) and the theme comes from Jilly’s Jim Harrison quote.

“We were born to be moving water not ice”

938px-Kuroda-seiki-kohan00-6-1b

 

I would be water, flowing fast,

skimming silver sand,

a curling, dancing, rippling thread,

delving wonderland.

 

I’d flicker silver as a trout

among the dapples deep,

and never give a care for you

nor frozen tears would weep.

Advertisements

Published by

Jane Dougherty

I used to do lots of things I didn't much enjoy. Now I am officially a writer. It's what I always wanted to be.

56 thoughts on “I would be water, flowing fast”

      1. You can do them anytime… or not at all! Things are beginning to pile up for me, so I’m taking the list and working ahead. Either Jilly or I can send it to you. A few others have portions of the list as well. No government secrets here! 🙂

  1. You lull us with this gentle poem of water and then end it with that icy smack – so powerful and raw – we all know that one! Thank you for again jumping on board with the 28 Days of Unreason; you honor Poetry with your words.

      1. Perfection intimidates – One of the most helpful things I read recently was a post in which Maureen Sudlow posted a short poem (Haiku, maybe) in draft and then her completed one. It really helps to see other poets go through the editing process and to struggle; it makes us all feel so much better about our own weaknesses.

      2. Teenagers I just couldn’t cope with. I did the tiny tots and found that too stressful, handling the traumas and the broken backgrounds. I’ll look in on the challenge. After all ‘she laughs madly’, I haven’t got anything else to do 🙂

  2. The movement in your poem is almost tangible, Jane. I love the water:
    ‘skimming silver sand,
    a curling, dancing, rippling thread’
    and the flickering silver trout,

  3. The rhythm flows like the river, and as dynamic as one too: for instance, the extensive use of gerunds in the 1st stands (6 of them!) contrasting with the flickering, staccato (and no gerund) music of the 2nd stanza. I find that a particularly fantastic combination, Jane. Nice!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s