Haibun: This place

An extreme haibun (less than 55 words) for the NaPoWriMo prompt.

Looking east

Here is green, stalk and leaf, the bright splash of flower heads, a jay’s blue wing feathers, and layers of sun like honey on a wafer. Here, trees bow, breeze-blown, spreading unfurled flags of many nations, speaking myriad tongues to the water.

 

Noise is bird-babble,

water trickle where ducks splash,

leaf-whisper.

 

Published by

Jane Dougherty

I used to do lots of things I didn't much enjoy. Now I am officially a writer. It's what I always wanted to be.

42 thoughts on “Haibun: This place”

    1. It’s a nice, straightforward prompt. I’m glad you like the haiku. I much prefer writing them when I’m not thinking of syllable counting. It was pure chance the first two lines came out in the strict 5/7 count.

  1. It’s a good prompt and a beautiful answer. I hadn’t remembered that haibun was supposed to eliminate the personal. I thought the explanation link was helpful and clear.
    You have such a sense of your environment. I can always see and feel it. (K)

    1. No, I hadn’t either. In fact, I had the idea that it was the opposite, that it was supposed to be personal, factual and in the present tense.
      Thank you. I am learning a lot from observation. Who knew there were so many trees and wild flowers?

  2. Oh this is lovely! I’ve never done a haibun. Currently it’s stressing me out because I’m researching the form (and form is not my strong point in poetry, HELL NO.) I love the ‘extreme’ bit of it (I thought it was supposed to be short but maybe I was wrong?) and the flags that are the leaves and branches.

    1. Thank you! And don’t stress. For ages I never got past the ‘oh, there are rules’ stage. It’s just a bit of descriptive prose with a haiku at the end. I don’t think there’s a word limit to a haibun and some of them ramble a bit. 55 words is noce and short 🙂

      1. My sister in law’s 11year old whippet had to be put down today. I am deeply sad for them all. Dear Monty he was lovely, we will all miss him so will our Ruby 💜

      2. It very difficult to say because after man tests and ops and three weeks of being sick the vets just could not find the problem. It was something to do with Oshagus. He is better off now it has been awful .

  3. Well, I knuckled down and Did The Thing. It came in at 53 words, which is about right for when I start getting all antsy-summary-ish and cramming things into word-crushes. The form’ll bear experimenting with a little more; I don’t think Basho ever wrote anything with aedes mosquitoes in it.

      1. I can’t work out why WP sends me some notifications and not others, why some go to my priority email, some the ‘others’ list, some to the spam bin, some to my WP account and some just to the reader. they are all over the place!

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