I’ve written it, so I’ll post it. A lai (last one maybe) for the dverse collection.
There must be a way
To get you to stay;
You planned
On blue sky not grey.
I won’t let you stray,
My hand
Holds you here. Winds play,
Wild, in a ballet
Of sand.
Above the gulls’ screams,
Cloud-clash and rain-streams
I heard
Storm break. No sunbeams
Light the day; it seems
Absurd
To sail, but your dreams
Make you, in your schemes,
A bird.
Come back, hold me tight,
This cannot be right;
It’s wrong!
No land bird takes flight
In a storm and night
So long.
Wait at least for light,
Glass-green waves curl white
And strong.
You left as dawn broke,
Scarce a word you spoke,
A tear
In your eye. I choke
On goodbye; you joke,
Don’t fear.
Sky wears a black cloak,
A harbinger’s croak
I hear.
Jane Dougherty Writes 
Oh this is absolutely stunning, Jane! ❤️ I especially admire; “Winds play, wild, in a ballet of sand.” 🙂
Thank you, Sanaa 🙂 I don’t think I’m going to be writing many more of these for pleasure!
Well done Jane! It’s funny how a form on outward appearances seems simple but isn’t.
The hard part is getting so many words that rhyme to make sense when they’re strung together 🙂
Yes, exactly!
🙂
A fine fleshed-out Lai, Jane–an excellent submission. Four stanzas gave you more room to explore the sadness. Forms can feel like a corset at times, but each foray into uncharted word play is growth.
Thank you, Glenn 🙂 You’re right, rising to a challenge is always to come out stronger.
I liked the sound of these lines: “Wait at least for light,
Glass-green waves curl white
And strong.”
Thank you, Frank. It’s hard to get the lines to sound like much when they’re so short.
I know you do not like the form, but I think you have shown it possible to get it down… wonderful, and the four stanzas makes it better I think
The form with three couplets of an imposed rhyme encourage padding, I find, lines that aren’t necessary but are there to fill the quota with that rhyme before getting onto another.
I think having the several stanzas allowed you to tell a story. Isn’t that what the lai form did originally? And I think this story is one that’s happened throughout history.
I think that’s the original idea. We ought probably to think of the lai as a song maybe with refrains. It’s hard work getting sense into such short lines though.
Yes, it is, and yes, I think you’re right. I’m still not a big fan though. 🙂
I’m less than a fan. It’s on my list of forms not to bother with unless the alternative is being thrown under a bus.
Hahahaha. I’m not quite to that, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to write another–though I do actually like the one I just wrote.
I wrote one that I like and I have,’t posted it. I don’t know why. Saving it for my collection of unpublished verse maybe 🙂
🙂
I admire the story unfolding thought there’s a hint of a sad ending with sky being black and harbinger’s croak.
I really like the restraint of emotions you showed in these lines:
My hand
Holds you here. Winds play,
Wild, in a ballet
Of sand.
This is a fine work Jane.
Thank you, Grace. I’m pleased you like it.
a lovely lai poem.
Wow Jane, a big Lai – and it held together as a cohesive expression. Well crafted?
Lucky 🙂
Thank you!
‘Glass green waves’ beautiful. I can see them 🙂
Thank you!
I feel a lot of romantic inside too.
I think there probably is, even if it ends in a death.
No land bird takes flight…i will take this line with me to…nice…bkm
Thank you.
I like the last stanza especially. It’s very dramatic. (K)
The last stanza worked better than the others, I think. I don’t like the choppy sound this form usually gives.
Fantastic imagery! And even though there is a hint of tragedy, I feel hopeful. Loved the poem.
Thank you. I’m pleased you like the poem, though I don’t think hope is essential in a poem. Life is what it is, as they say 🙂
That’s true, too! But life is better when you see the sunny side, right?
Life is better when there is a sunny side to see, I agree. But pretending there are roses when there aren’t isn’t honest.
I agree with you. Thanks for sharing the poem, Jane!
🙂
Your words seemed to trickle down the page like free-flowing tears. Emotional, and ultimately resigned to fate as hope erodes.
Also, I had not even considered interlinking the lines into a woven thread of consciousness within a lai form! I like what you’ve done here, and may have to give this form one more go myself.
Thanks Barry! I find that the lines are too short not to have run ons and end of tiny line rhymes have a tendency to sound not-serious to my ear. I’m sure the lai originally told a story in song so a ballad suits it, more or less.
Well done, you have overcome your ‘lai’ aversion and the poem works well in telling a poignant story. Yes, could be a song of love gone wrong but has really original natural imagery.
Thank you! I didn’t intend to write four stanzas but with this form you can’t get over much story in one stanza 🙂