Rushing dark

A poem that rushed itself off without waiting to be thought out properly. I’m not even sure it fits the prompt! I’ll have another go at this one tomorrow. For Merril’s dverse echo prompt.

Painting is a Winslow Homer

1024px-Winslow_Homer_-_Moonlight_on_the_Water_(1890s)

 

The night is full of wind

(rushing dark rushing loud)

the night is full of wind

that batters shutters tight.

 

The wind is full of night

(rushing loud rushing dark)

the wind is full of night

that balances the moon.

 

The moon is full of light

(silver bright falling far)

the moon is full of light

and it catches in your hair.

 

In your hair I see a star

(fallen light shining bright)

and you toss it in the wind

full of rain rushing clouds.

 

Rushing clouds balance the moon

(in the night rushing dark)

and the star tossed in the night

for the world to see its light.

Published by

Jane Dougherty

I used to do lots of things I didn't much enjoy. Now I am officially a writer. It's what I always wanted to be.

40 thoughts on “Rushing dark”

    1. I was absorbed in writing something else and missed the kick off for the prompt. It goes up at 9pm here and as I stop round about now to go walking, I didn’t have a lot of time to think about it. It just rushed out and it felt strangely as though it wasn’t me rushing it. I’m going to see if you’ve posted yours yet and I’m prepared to be surprised (or not).

  1. Your stream of brevity is bang on, using refrains as echoes, punctuated with more echoes; very effective–reminds me of some classic form.

  2. It may have rushed itself off, Jane, but it’s done a great job of it! I like the structure, the almost-repeated phrases in parentheses made me think of someone muttering manically about the weather – very effective – and I love the way you play with the lines, reversing ‘The night is full of wind’ to ‘The wind is full of night’, and the shift from ‘the moon is full of light / and it catches in your hair’ to ‘In your hair I see a star’.

    1. Thank you, Kim! I was tired last night but I wanted to do the prompt and just jotted down the first thing that came into my head. I might try another one today, but sometimes the spontaneous combustion type poems are the best 🙂

  3. Such wonderful movement (echoing the painting too)! I like the way the slight changing in the wording turn the circle too. I did not do parentheses, but I did do repetition of lines…of course, pantoums. (K)

  4. Some poems are just born of themselves. Usually they don’t need revision – just like this lovely piece. Perhaps weariness, thinned the veil between consciousness and that deeper underworld where our hidden selves meet and meld with the collective unconscious. How ere it be- magic leaked out!

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