For Colleen’s weekly prompt, a syllable-counting poem of my invention. This is a sequence of three Florescence poems, three lines of six, six and nine syllables respectively, with a rhyme on the sixth, twelfth and eighteenth syllables.
Beneath the bird’s egg blue
of sky by rain washed new
and clothed in heaven’s hue, all seems clear,
though in the darkest night
the brashest city light
casts shadow black and white—monochrome.
Yet take my hand, we’ll run
till days and nights are done
swept up into the sun, there to sleep.
22 thoughts on “Florescence sequence: Day night sleep”
I remember you were writing these for a while. I think it works well as a sequence. I like the changes in color. 🙂
Thanks 🙂 You know I’m not a big fan of poetry forms that just count syllables. All poetry with a meter where you count the beats is syllable counting, but it’s something else as well.
Yes, I know what you mean.
Jane, this is a brilliant form! Next year, I want to add some forms that have syllables and rhyme schemes! I’d love to add this form created by you! I like how the words flow. It has a great rhythm. ❤
Thank you! I’m glad you like it. I know it’s a different type of poetry to the Japanese forms, and different again from the shadorma and cinquain types. When you think about it, all the classical forms are syllable-counting, but to give the lines a rhythm you have to fit the syllables into feet. I’m not a big fan of just making a line with a set number of syllables. I don’t really see how it adds anything. If you don’t count the syllables, you wouldn’t know if there was the right number because you can’t hear them. Just my taste.
I’ve always liked syllabic poetry because it’s perfect for people who’ve never written poetry before to learn how to count syllables and choose words to get their meaning across. For advanced poets, I need to add some new forms to keep the challenge fresh. I’ll do that after the beginning of the year. I’m not a fan of free-style rhyming poetry, but I do understand that many people like that type of poetry. For me, its the brevity of the words that means so much more. I like the syllabic forms that rhyme like yours because it adds another facet to the way it sounds. That’s important as well. It all keeps us learning and using our brains… something we all need. ❤
Funny what you say about people having to learn to count syllables. Somebody on another poetry prompt used a cinquain by Crapsey as a model. One of the lines had one syllable too many…
Interesting… There is a lot of flexibility, I know. I think we should learn the rules and do what we want on our own blogs and such. For challenges, I try to set a good example. Other poets learn from us. ❤
Well, when a poem defines itself by how many syllables there are in a line, you have to keep that rule, I imagine.
I think you’re onto something. ❤️
Very nice Jane
Thanks Willow 🙂
This is an absolutely brilliant write! The use of syllables, the rhyme and the overall meaning that the poem exude…everything seems just perfect. It seems pretty difficult too…leaving me with a sense of awe. Brilliant!
Thank you, Goutam! I’m pleased you like the form. It isn’t so difficult really. It’s like any formal poetry, you have to respect the rhythm and the rhyme, and try to make the sum of it a poem.
Beautiful, well executed, strong imagery, just well done!
Thank you! I’m pleased you like this form.
This is a gorgeous poem, and I love the form!