Three ways to say the same poem. Or is there just one way, and the others are facets, shadows that it casts?
1.
The world has shifted, all the summer gone;
The swallows that turned sky to ocean flown,
Turned wind to waves the length of summer days,
And with the turning wind, like dry leaves blown.
Beneath this sky of knotted winds and drifts
Of cloud, we stand our faces to the west,
To bathe in sunsetโs fire, as summer fades,
And put the light half of the year to rest.
2.
Summer
gone, swallows flown
that turned the wind to waves,
and with the turning wind, like dry
leaves blown.
Beneath this sky of knotted winds
and drifts of cloud, we stand
as summer fades
to rest.
3.
Gone summer,
swallows and their wind-waves
blown leaves in the knotted sky.
We raise sun-fired faces
to the coming dark.
Oh so lovely Jane. I like them all. All poems in their own right, I think. Beautiful idea to revisit an idea from the muse and drink from its poetry three times… heavenly. Brilliant!
I’m pleased you like the idea ๐
A pleasure๐
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This is really a cool approach, Jane. My personal favorite is the middle one that has a nice lyrical flow to it without having to worry about rhymes. It also seems to have a more positive tone to it–albeit somewhat wistful–than the third one, which ends with the word “dark.”
Thanks Mike. It’s all in the arrangement of the same words. I like playing around with them.
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Love all three, but wait some. It’s not over yet.
36ยฐ here today.
Damn.
Hotter tomorrow.
Summer strikes back.
With a vengeance. 38ยฐC
Wow. That’s a lot for Sept.
Far too hot.
We had 28 today, and it was too hot for the balcony. I can only imagine.
It wasn’t as hot today 33ยฐ but heavier and it’s going to go up again until the weekend. Even the trees are flagging.
very clever Jane, and all good.
Thanks Di ๐
I liked the last one.
Minimalist ๐
All good, Jane, and each could stand on its own, depending on your desired effect.
Thanks Ken. Yes, they each serve a different purpose.
I quite like the idea of facets. Which ones are the shadows though?
I suppose for me, the first one is the ‘real’ poem and the others are spin-offs, taking a bit of the original but they stand in the shadow. Anyone who prefers very brief, imaged poetry would probably look at it from the perspective of the shortest poem being the core and the other two inflated versions of it.
Perspectives
Most things are, after all.
That’s how I saw it. (Of course.) ๐
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I like them all, but I think I like the flow of the first one the most.
I’m glad you do. I expected you would (I do too) ๐
All three are really good Jane but number 3 is my favourite ๐
Thanks Willow. Another minimalist ๐
This is magnificent writing. I love these poems Jane. ๐๐ฝ๐๐ฝ๐๐ฝ
Thank you! I’m pleased you enjoyed the different versions.