Cavemen and lawmen

The dverse prompt today is to rewrite a pop song in the style of a sonnet. I wasn’t going to do this as I’ve only ever written a couple of sonnets and don’t go much for pop songs. There are exceptions though, so here’s my attempt at one of them.

779px-MarsSunset

She couldn’t see what she had done so wrong,

Nor understand her parents’ cries to go,

A little thing, to make up such a song

And dance; movies, same sordid story show.

The innocent is beaten by the law,

Ghoulish crowds draw round in fascination

As blows rain down the morons watch in awe,

She leaves the cinema in desperation.

To ask the sky, she raises eyes to heaven,

If this is really how we’re meant to be,

Turns her back on hypocrites and cavemen,

And hopes she may find somewhere to be free.

She wonders if there’s life among the stars,

Perhaps on the red planet, life on Mars?

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Published by

Jane Dougherty

I used to do lots of things I didn't much enjoy. Now I am officially a writer. It's what I always wanted to be.

59 thoughts on “Cavemen and lawmen”

  1. I laughed so much at this because it was so on the mark!

    The innocent is beaten by the law,

    Ghoulish crowds draw round in fascination

    As blows rain down the morons watch in awe,

    This bit especially! So you really CAN do it all? Now for The Breakfast Club 2! 😉 (well done!)

  2. Great sonnet, but Bowie never shook his booty for me. I wonder how the prompt went back in the day the first time around? Like you, I left out the thees & thous. I guess you’re not a Leonard Cohen fan. I was afraid I made mine too easy.

  3. Nice meter and rhyme in your sonnet. I just listened to Life on Mars. It’s the first time I’ve heard it so whatever I would have guessed would have been wrong.

      1. True. The cassette sounds grittier. Live versions are powerful but the sound is often blurry and you get instrumentalists going off on an ego trip sometimes. Cassettes are between CD and live versions—raw but with the studio balance for the sound.

  4. What a wonderful sonnet, Jane!
    And I wanted to say I was SO excited to see you honored/featured at NaPoWriMo this past week! So well deserved! I am loving your work this month!

      1. I didn’t think I was a fan of sonnets either but it’s similar to a form I write in when I rhyme anyway. I got to see Bowie during his Mysterious Moonlight Tour and it was fantastic! I miss him very much he had his fingers in everything! He was very handsome!

      2. I saw him on that tour too! I’d just gone to live in Paris and my sister came over specially to come to the concert. He was a brilliant artist, and like you, I think he was so handsome. He looked as though he wasn’t going to stay long though.

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